


50 ways to say you are dead / goodbye

by connie_chen



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, M/M, Thorki - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 20:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4033429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/connie_chen/pseuds/connie_chen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki, who was an eloquent lawyer, just couldn't stop spreading out the news that his boyfriend, Thor was dead. For one more time, Thor's people weren't sure to believe him or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	50 ways to say you are dead / goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Translated from my own work;  
> 2\. Planning to translate more Chinese work into English, and I need someone who'd like to do beta for me;

50 ways to say you are dead/goodbye  
by ccunohoo

 

The claret clock showed a sharp 8 am and beeped intrusively. Loki pulled his arm out of the emerald quilt to shut it up, and then stretched the other arm out, exposing his chest into the chilling air of the morning. The black-hair Cinderella expressed his acerbity and impatience even before his wide-awake: there was nothing to his right. 

Thor was not there.

Thor should be there.

Loki gasped disappointedly, and finally lifted his lids and body. He couldn’t help letting his emerald pupils puke at the other side of the bed, which made him look acerbic, impatient, and sad.

He combed his hair with his right hand, and dialed with the other to his boss.

“Morning, Mr. Pork.” Loki said with his most dismissiveness. Stories are similar for these managers: little talented, only getting promoted for his from-a-good-family wife, doing nothing and being paid a lot.

“Good morning, Mr. Laufeyson.” The other side spoke surprisedly. Another lucky day when Loki didn’t talk mean to him.

“I’m sorry, but I’m afraid that I cannot show up in the office today.” Loki said without sorriness, like he was the boss who assigned his errands.

“oh-kay…” Mr. Pork seemed very uncomfortable and nervous, “may I ask the reason?”

“Thor Odinson, my boyfriend who’s living with me,” the disguise was unnecessary, Loki told the story with obvious temper and despise because of either Pork or Thor; he’s not sure, “he is dead.”

The silence was embarrassing. Loki was sure that his boss must have lost his tongue at Loki’s being homo, or at Loki’s boyfriend’s being dead. “He went down in an airplane.” Loki added kindly.

Mr. Pork tried his best to recover from the Monday morning tortures and put together finally after clearing his throat, which did not help ease his tension. Ironically, he was the one who should not feel tense in a position point of view. “I’m so sorry, Loki”, said the manager.

Being called out by the name made Loki feel even worse, so he slammed the phone back with an indifferent “gotcha”. He closed his eyes again, exhaled from his nose and expressed his tiredness. He huddled himself up inner the warmth in his emerald quilt like a harmed turtle, fed up with the cold air and the sadness on his own face.

 

The damn telephone would not show mercy to him. It rang again. Loki swore to break his neck if it were Pork again with more questions.

“Hello, Loki.” The tone was not pleasing, but at least it was not Pork; God bless Pork.

“Good morning.” Loki frowned up at Volstagg’s voice, wondering whether or not Thor could ever make any friend that was likable.

“You know who I’m calling for.” Volstagg was no friend to Loki. He’d like to spare any word if possible.

“Oh, of course.” Loki smiled evilly for some untold vicious plan, “but unfortunately, Thor is not able to take it.”

The phone dutifully passed an impatient snort, complaining Loki’s superfluous tongue, and said, “I’ll call him later.”

“Oops, sorry. I wasn’t clear enough.” Loki was obviously satisfied now. His delightfulness was even detectable from his voice, “Thor will never be able to take it.” Loki was so concerned that Volstagg’s simplified mind couldn’t understand the message that he further explained with generosity, “He’s dead.”

The phone went silent for a while. Loki waited patiently until Volstagg said in a thrilled voice, “I did not follow.”

The black-hair beauty disguised his joy with anxiety, and said, “He was so careless. He fell from the alp and no one caught him.”

Loki could have heard Volstagg tell himself that “Don’t believe him. He’s a liar”, but instead, he heard him say, “How come… that I didn’t know any about it?”

“Oh…”Loki gave his exhausted eyes a short massage and wiped the liquid off, indulging himself in sadness and tiredness for one second, and continued, “It was two days ago. I was told the news only yesterday. You know, some photographer just loves dangerous places. The real, and original South Africa? Extremely stupid!” Cursing Thor released Loki from his chest-ache somehow, and Loki was now able to squeeze out a not-good-looking smile.

“It’s…hard to believe.” Loki was pretty sure that he caught Volstagg in mechanical grinding sound, which was probably resulted from his forcing himself to think. The sound paused, and Volstagg asked, “Did Odin and Frigga know?”

“No. Don’t tell them yet.” Loki seemed to panic a little bit, “I will tell them later, in person. A while later. I promise. But not now.”

“Ok… Try to put together, Loki. I know it’s hard.” The unhiddable sorrow leaked from the receiver. Loki tagged him with “foolish as Thor” when Volstagg was still chattering to comfort Loki, “Don’t deny it. Thor told us you liked to talk much when you were sad. So I know you.”

You know my ass! Loki refuted in his mind quietly, halfly because he couldn’t speak with all the emotions flooded in his throat. Loki closed the conversation somewhat seemingly and hung up with Volstagg still murmuring nonsense. He felt exhausted like he just completed an insane marathon around the earth, so he let himself fall back onto the face of Thor and his bed, and tucked himself in, imaging having a nice nap as long as forever. At that moment Loki suddenly realized there was nothing as comfortable as a bed, not even Thor’s chest, or arm, or anywhere else.

Then it rang again.

For god’s sake, Loki bet that doltish bulk of muscle must have phoned up all of Thor’s friends and informed them of his death. The nap would definitely be so ruined by the endless calls following from Thor’s skeptical friends.

Loki could never be wrong: it was Hogun. Loki wasn’t surprised at the fishlike surgeon’s being the first one to call.

“There has been some rumor.” Hogun would never hesitate to go straight to the point.

“That’s not rumor. Thor is truly dead.” The fatigue in Loki’s voice was noticeable and real.

“The more certain you seem, the less reliable you are.” Hogun said incredulously. 

“Trust me or not,” Loki grinned, “you called for confirmation after all.” Hit them with the fact; scientists would always fix their conclusions accordingly. It’s in their nature. “So, what else do you want to know, my friend?”

“I’m not your friend.” Hogun was always cold as metal. He sounded even colder at that time, but Loki noticed the crackles from his causeway of rations.

Loki inhaled and relaxed to avoid releasing his emotions unnecessarily, and he continued, “Thor was in Columbia. You know that, right? South Africa is dangerous. You’ve been there. You should know it better.” One more time, Loki closed his eyes, which brought him flagrant sore, and pictured how Hogun would recall in his own mind about the cruel gunfight that he encountered before. “He was caught in a mudslide, among all those fatal possibilities.”

“Mudslide?” Hogun repeated in doubt, “Volstagg said he fell, from a mountain.”

“Yes, that was a mountain. At least I was told so the day before Thor took off.” Loki did not fluster, instead, he felt confident about his story. “The debris flew down along the side. It happened too rapidly for Thor to react and get away. Oh, Thor! The team found his body one mile away.”

There’s no way that Loki would miss the long sigh from the other side of the communication, just as if doing so helped release him from the tremendous sorrowness. “When can we see him… his body?” 

“I don’t know,” I really don’t know. Loki repeated to himself. He really did not. “but they said the body will not be handed to the team within 2 days.” He wrinkled his frowns, feeling vulnerable.

“Got it.” Hogun talked very little, and that’s because he was never good at it. Let alone saying something to comfort. However he disliked Loki, that was still Thor’s boyfriend. He had to say something, to help. “I’m sorry, Loki. I really am.” And that’s what he ended up with.

“Uh-huh.” Loki answered, and hung up.

The phone rang again right after. “Jesus,” Loki shouted in his imagination, “just give me a break!”

Loki was tired. A “hello” would take too much, so he made a sound instead. Don’t ever make too many friends. Loki decided it should be an ever-right principle. Also, don’t ever make a boyfriend with too many friends either.

“Hi, Loki. How are you?” Oh, Fandral, the eloquent Fandral. If there were any friend of Thor who ever liked Loki, and Loki liked him back, it would be Fandral. But definitely not in this case.

“I’m not the one who’s not fine.” Loki was still that mean lawyer soon after he recovered from fatigue, “Why don’t you call Thor if you do care about anyone at all?”

“I don’t care about anyone; I care about you.” How do people put it? Loki tried to retrieve the saying hard from his crowded memory—There cannot be pure friendship between male and male.

“You are overcaring.” Loki rolled his eyes with most efforts. He hated it, but he did feel the warmth reluctantly, which was familiar only when he was with Frigga.

“Do I stand a chance now?” Fandral was glib as always. And Loki started to understand it: Fandral called only to show off his wisdom and the fact that he didn’t believe Thor’s being dead at all.

“Please, Fandral.” Loki giggled, so his tense nerves finally got a short break, “your friend, my boyfriend’s body is still warm.”

“I guess the heat in Columbia will keep it warm for a longer while.” Fandral followed, cherishing the precious joking time with the evil Loki.

“Oh yeah.” Loki invisibly shrugged, “But the desert gets freezing at night. Poor Thor, dried up in the desert in the daytime, only to freeze at nigh.” Loki pictured verisimilarly, thrilled at the last two words.

The conversation paused for one second or two, and was followed by a burst of embarrassed laughter, “hear hear, poor Thor.”

Loki stopped talking, and waited for Fandral to close the meaningless conversation. 

“Oh hey, Loki.” Fandral was thinking about the wording, “You said, desert?”

“Correct. The Sonoran Desert.” Loki searched in his memory. Thor did tell something. “You’ve seen those pictures on Facebook, right?”

“I, uh…” Fandral hemed and hawed, “That was several days ago. I haven’t seen any post since.”

Loki shook his head with his frown wrinkled at the happy coincidence. That was close. He was so close.

“Listen, Loki.” Fandral said uncertainly and incredulously, “Anytime, if you need me. Okay?”

“You are so nice and sweet, my friend.” Loki gave him a buzz, and fell over the bed, laughing like crazy, until the laughter turned into tears. He rolled himself around agitatedly, buried his crying face into the gap between the pillows, and droned until the ring annoyed again.

Loki lifted his head up with only fidget on his face, as if that wasn’t him crying like an abandoned fool. He picked up the phone so brutally and carelessly that it bonked at the crash on the edge of the desk. “Who is that?” He asked.

“Sif.” She answered briefly.

“Oh hi, Sif…” Loki was interested.

“Save it, Loki. I won’t believe you.” She interrupted, with her tone full of angers, “Stop spreading rumors! You hope that Thor would fall from a hill? Or die in a desert? I don’t even understand how naïve they are to believe your lies.”

“A hill? A desert?” Loki expressed true confusion, “Who told you that?”

“There’s no need to pretend. We both know it, Loki. I’m not buying your lies. Not even a letter.” Sif said furiously, but she stayed on the line.

Loki grinned, and then he continued as if he hadn’t heard any of her statement, “Thor was eaten by a lion. They could not even bear a look. The team fought desperately to retrieve his body.”

“That’s enough, Loki.” Sif sounded enduring, “I don’t know what you are planning at, but…”

“Columbia is evil. I told him not to go there!” Loki almost giggled out loud, “Why didn’t you help me persuade him out, if you did care about him as you said?”

“Stop it, Loki!”

“The damn sharks.” Loki went on cursing.

“Sharks? Okay, Loki, you’d better…”

“Diving, swimming, sailing. What was it? Too much love will kill you someday, won’t it? How did that happen at all? Sharks under the water along the beach? The government should have issued a ban to keep people away, shouldn’t it? Is there any government not a retard on this planet?”

“If you won’t stop your nonsense….” Sif was so pissed off. Loki saw through her disguise and he knew she wouldn’t go for a reason.

“How does the government run the country at all? How could they let cement trucks full with quicksand on the road?” Loki was totally immersed in his own world. He was confident that no one was better than him at creating complicated long sentences. “And let my boyfriend drown in these hardened rubbish, which did nothing but worsening the urban heat island effect?”

“You know that I’m only a phone call away from the truth, don’t you?” The peaceful tone forecast a rainstorm as universally acknowledged.

Loki suspended his stories, couldn’t help grinning viciously, “Then, why didn't you call him up?”

Quietness arrived at the other side of the line like Sif disappeared all of a sudden. Loki waited patiently. The intangible pressure commuted excitedly between the two ends of the line as if they were wrestling with no words. Sif was defeated at last, and she answered frustratedly, “I called, and failed. For five times. They all failed.”

Loki laid his lids with a tremendous satisfaction and recovered from the pause, “Thor got run over by a crappy purple scion. Can you even image it? My poor Thor! I would rather he was shot when dancing at an east side nightclub. At least that would be quick. Much less painful, isn’t it? But he drowned in a hot tub. Jesus Christ…”

In the following short two minutes, Loki didn’t stop cackling about different ways Thor was killed. The stories got more and more bizarre and hard to believe, until Sif couldn’t stand it any more and shut him up with a shout of his name. None of them said anything after that. Sif waited, and called his name for one more time, “Loki, I…”

“He’s dead.” Loki seemed dejected, but the voice was calm, “Thor is dead.” Then he repeated.

Loki forgot how he ended the conversation. He noticed that the phone had been put back, and himself had been sitting on the fringe of the bed for quite a while, when he eventually regained the presence of his mind. Loki looked out of the window and realized it was not a nice day. He was not sure whether it’s because he spent too much time in answering the phone, which was on the top of a bunch of things that bored people, or it was just the weather. He felt depressed somehow, and a little sad, and a huge amount of exhaust. 

 

So he lost all of his manners, cursing the fool who was ringing the bell while going downstairs. He jerked the door open and was prepared to pour his worst scold onto the hapless bloke. But he did not—Loki let the smirking moron pull him into his arms and rub his body randomly, and listened to his doesn’t-mean-it blame, “Volstagg was so convinced. I scared the shit out of him.”

Loki answered him with nothing but nuzzling into Thor’s neck and sniffing the reassuring smell.

“Why did you do that?” asked the bulk of bozo who was obviously exposed in a drizzle earlier today, “Why did you say that I was dead?”

“Thor,” Loki made an intimate distance between, and failed to spare an effort to lie, “You said you were leaving. I couldn’t accept that. Killing you was easier.”

Thor laughed, and wiped out the distance again by moving closer, shutting the door simultaneously, explained that, “I was not about to leave you. I wanted only a tiny punish.”

“Ah.” Loki smiled with genuine like a baby, and turned back into a villain quickly again, “Look who is being punished right now? Hint, hint: it’s not me.”

“No hurries, Loki.” Thor fitted himself against Loki and slid inside, tittering with glee, “You are on in one second.”

Loki gasped in his nose contentedly, and murmured against Thor’s neck, “I thought you would get your phone back first, and at least send your friends a message.”

The blond bulk of moron, who always knew priorities, shook his head at a slight angle gently, and explained, “They can wait.”


End file.
